One week to POP. Everything in BMT is now done. All that remains is to complete parade rehearsals.

On monday I successfully completed my 16km route march without anyone's help or extra rest. All thanks to God's help. Without which I'm sure I would not be able to complete it. Weather was pretty cooling, my knees didn't hurt much and I didn't get dehydrated. Was very happy when I finished the march. Looked forward to the RSAF officer talk that was to be held on the evening of tuesday. This was then rescheduled to Wednesday morning. No problems there. Looked forward to the book out that day evening which is the first time we are booking out on a weekday as well.

However, my mood would change greatly. At the talk I was informed that I had failed my pilot medical and I would not have any chance at a reapplication. On the spot, I accepted the AWO(C3) contract as an alternative. I was quite devastated when I heard that I had failed the medical and I would not have any other chance to be a RSAF pilot.

My second blow came just before book out when the award winners were announced. No Company Best, No platoon best, not even the top 5 in the platoon. That wasn't a very great blow as I was prepared for it. But it was still disappointing.

After I got back home, I begin to ponder over my decision to accept the AWO(C3) contract. I wondered if I would like working as a C3 controller. Honestly speaking, ever since I went to the SATCC open house, my interest in ATC as slightly aroused. Furthermore, if I successfully complete the course, I would be an officer. Talked a bit to a close friend who is holding the vocation. Finally I decided that I would not withdraw from the contract. However, the third blow was about to be dealt.

Just before I had my dinner, my handphone rang. On the other end was a CPT from the Air Force Recruitment Centre. He informed me that I was not eligible for the AWO(C3) vocation. Instead I was offered the chance to sign the AFE(M) contract which I would start out at the rank of ME1 which is equivlent to the rank of a 3rd Sargent. Talking to a friend who is a ME4 AFE, I was advised not to sign the ME1 contract. However, I still have some personal issues to take into account.

Now theses events set me thinking. Was is my BMT ranking not high enough therefore I am not eligible for officer vocations? Or is there some other issues I am not aware of? I badly want to be an officer. But contrary to what most think, I do not do "wayang", I hate it. Now I am wondering if I do not sign the ME1 contract, where would I end up. If I sign the contract, it disqualifies me from entering OCS. However, if I do not sign, I still may not end up as an Officer. What should I do now? I am really lost. Should I not sign and eventually not make it into OCS, that would be my fourth and really a huge blow to me. So what should I do now? I really hope I can see a clear answer. Help me GOD...